Test time brings a whirlwind of thoughts, especially for those who have faced the sting of failure before. Beyond assessing skills, the real question lies in measuring one's determination and the intensity of the inner fire. This was my contemplation as I embarked on the 1st kyu Aikido test.
Spread over three nights, the format brought physical demands but alleviated the mental pressure of a single chance. My strategy was to maintain a steady pace, relying on a positive mental attitude. However, after a strong start, doubts surfaced on the second night, testing my resolve.
The third night saw a resurgence. Facing challenges with knife defense and staff attacks, I aimed for internal calm. The unexpected twist came during the results – not 1st kyu, but Shodan. A 14-year journey of dedication unfolded, bringing pride and a sense of belonging to something bigger than myself.
Yet, post-goal blues and a mild sense of shame followed. Shodan, meaning "beginning degree," signaled a new phase. Beyond technical exploration, it urged weaving Aikido into daily life and walking a spiritual path. The journey, dedicated to my wise mentors, continues, lightening the load with each step.
Originally penned in 2013, this essay captures a transformative chapter in my martial arts odyssey.
“When one is under sound attack one must die, and yet live, from moment to moment. It is in momentary living that one is free from distraction…”
–– Thomas M. White